“When you refused to apologize, it actually makes you feel more empowered,” is how researcher Tyler G. Okimoto puts it.
This makes total visceral sense, of course. Saying you’re sorry sucks. In some ways, saying you’re sorry is a quintessentially mature, thus grown-up, thing to do. No wonder kids hate doing it. Plus, if kids are to be believed, whatever it is you’re mad about is “totally not their fault” and also “not fair.”
I believe it was Kurt Cobain who once said, “What else should I be? All apologies.” Not a happy camper!
Someone else is going to give you their recommendation on the best app to track your child’s poop schedule, but I’m here to give you an app recommendation will make you cry. In a good way.
You know that Sprint ad with the girl growing up before your eyes that makes you cry every time? You can make something cool like that with Everyday.
Everyday (iTunes link) is an awesome app for parents. It’s a photo app that allows you to take a picture every day so that you can see how much your child changes over time. It gives you a grid to line up your kid’s face in roughly the same spot and it reminds you to take the picture each day. Then it makes a little movie for you.
I’m always jealous of parents who think of cool stuff to do with their kids. One of my friends took a picture of her daughter on her first birthday. Then the next year, she took a picture of her daughter holding the picture of her from the year before and so on. Now she has a four year old holding a picture of a three year old holding a picture of a two year old holding a picture of a one year old. How cool is that?
The point is: good ideas are worth stealing! Then – shhhh– they become your awesome ideas. Well, you create something pretty cool like that without too much effort with Everyday.
I’ve been using it for about two years now and it’s great. It’s really intended for you to take your own picture, but I don’t need a video of my slow decay thank you very much. Use the front-facing camera to take pictures of your kid.
It gives you speed options for the resulting video. The one up top is my “normal” speed version, and here’s my “fast” speed version:
You get started now, pretty soon you’ll have an awesome video of your growing child. I am ordering you to steal this good idea. It’s $1.99 in the app store here:
My daughter’s class is working on interviews, so naturally, because I am the most famous person around, I was her subject.
I was interviewed about being an actor, and since my daughter is only in First Grade, I wasn’t expecting Inside the Actor’s Studio-level questions.
I knew there wouldn’t be many questions about my process (deep research, combined with “winging it”) or my acting philosophy (Don’t over-think, but don’t under-think. Stab wildly at a choice, then blame others for your screw-ups). I also didn’t expect the questions I got:
A lot of parenting blog posts - including many here - are about feeling bad about how bad a parent the writer is. But today, let’s flip the script!
My daughter wanted to play on the computer for more than an hour, so I let her and I made her more computer savvy.
My daughter wanted a malted milk ball before breakfast, so I let her have one and I made her happy.
My daughter kept singing a non-sensical, repetitive song that was driving me crazy and I pleaded with her to stop and I finally lost my cool about it and made her stop. I taught her a valuable lesson about song structure.
I don’t have a friend good enough to let their baby pee in my sink or poop in one of my bowls. Put a diaper on that! It’s the rare adult who is still diapered, so just put a diaper on that kid and it’ll all be over in a couple years.
Pooping in bowls, peeing in sinks, crying in public, throwing up – what are we still in college?!?
Oh yeah, did I mention she has FACE TATTOOS (magic marker).
Honestly, this is probably a cry for help but I don’t know what to say to Barbie. It’s like, what are we supposed to get her a life-sized Ken to make her happy? If anything, that will make things worse. Being in the living room with the two of them staring at each other in awkward silence? No thanks.
I’m no scientist and my kid is only 7 years old, but here’s what I think are the true 10 stages of child development, without all the fancy science talk:
Homunculus: Weird, tiny, jarringly human-like but not yet a person. Babies are immediately homunculi. They shit, fart and groan. They are irrational, scary, seemingly fragile.
Easiest baby on Earth: Sleeping through the night, not fussy: basically an angel. Babies often pass through this phase of fucking with you, lulling you into complacency.
Angry Mo-Fo: WTF. What happened? This baby now is a tiny monster, fussy, gassy, demanding. Maddening.
Most amazing baby on Earth: Holy shit this baby is rolling over. Holy shit this baby is crawling. Holy shit this baby is smiling (gassy).
Portable: Outside, walking around, toting a baby. You are on top, son! Like having the cutest dog ever, you get a lot of attention for that cute baby strapped to you.
Tiny, Slow, Distractible Companion: Namaste. If you like slow walks, meandering only a couple of blocks over an hour with many diversions to examine flowers, piles of stuff, garbage and a cloud, then you will love this tiny, slow, distractible companion of yours.
Stroller-hog: Exhausted, irritable, stroller-hog. Those legs are purely decorative so do not try to get this kid to walk around. Stroller, stroller, stroller. Become a master-folder, learn to carry that fucker up and down some stairs, cuz this kid is not gonna fucking walk.
T.P. (Tiny Person): A million opinions, lots to talk about, you’ve got a tiny person now. I guess you kinda always knew this was a tiny person, but wow are they a tiny person now.
Pre-Teenager (1st grader): Good to joke with, embarrassed by you, keeps secrets. iPad addict. Weird how they seem to be absorbing pop-culture you don’t understand already…