I'm Doug Moe, a comedian from the UCB Theatre NY. Becoming a parent is the most ridiculous thing to ever happen to me. Man Versus Child is funny, not precious.

And it is not a “daddy blog.”

Hugs

DAUGHTER (from the other room, to my wife): I just had a big poop!
Minutes later, DAUGHTER enters.
ME: Can I have a hug?
DAUGHTER: Um, maybe not. I have dirty hands.
(Pause)
ME: (pause) Why don't you go wash them.
DAUGHTER: Okay.
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It’s Okay

It’s okay that my daughter played soccer twice last weekend and the ball went right past her and she seemed scared and confused about the rules and that everyone else, all BOYS mind you, seemed super-competent and confident while my daughter wasn’t even running much - she can run, right? I’VE SEEN HER RUN.

This is all okay because soccer is just for fun and growth and I can’t fight all the battles for her and even a little bit of incremental improvement over the season would be a confidence boost and it’s probably unlikely that I’m scarring her for life, making her fear all sports, boys and new experiences and it’s unlikely that I’m destroying years of trust we’ve built up and love and that this will be the inciting incident towards a life of crime or the horrible backstory she’ll tell in her college creative writing class, all the heads nodding, “yes, yes, you have a terrible dad, how could he, etc.”  It will be fine.  It’s OKAY.

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improvisingfatherhood:

e-mprov:

E-MPROV - Improvising Fatherhood - 9/7/14

A live improv comedy show about the comedy of being a dad hosted by Nate Smith of improvisingfatherhood and featuring Charlie Capen and Andy Herald of how2beadad, David Vienna of thedaddycomplex, Doug Moe of manvchild and the Upright Citizens Brigade, and Josh Eakright of Second City.

Last night’s show was a lot of fun. Thanks to everyone who watched it live, but if you didn’t you can watch it…unlive. Enjoy!

Had fun last night doing some #E-MPROV with some fellow dad bloggers.  I’m pretty proud of my nascent beard for holding its own among these bearded heavyweights.

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25 MORE Ways to ask your kids “So How Was School Today?” Without Asking Them “So How Was School Today?”
Just like the author of this article, my child always answers the question “How was school today?” with the answer “fine” or “good.”  The author has some great suggestions, but doesn’t go far enough.  Here’s:
25 MORE Ways to ask your kids “So How Was School Today?” Without Asking Them “So How Was School Today?”
How was school today, REALLY?
What’s the best thing that happened at school today?
No REALLY:  what’s the best thing that happened at school today?
Who’s the weirdest looking kid in your class besides Jason Porter (fill in name of weirdest looking kid)?
Tell me one thing you learned today, but use the voice of the teacher you learned it from.
Tell me something that made you laugh today.  Is it any funnier that this joke:  “What do you call a fish with no eye? Fssssh?”  I’m still the funniest.
When were you bored today?  I know, RIGHT?
If you could choose, who would you like to sit by in class? (Wait for answer) WRONG.  What about Superman?  Anna from “Frozen?”  I didn’t say it had to be a kid.  Tricked you!
What do you think about…HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
Where do you play the most at recess?  Oh yeah, totally.  That’s the best place.
Tell me something good that happened today.
Tell me something better that happened today.
Tell me something…HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
Who in your class could you have been nicer to?  Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself.
If you got to be teacher tomorrow, what made-up word would you teach everyone?
Is there anyone in your class who needs a time-out?  How come?  Mm-hmm.  Wow.  That’s crazy, I’m calling their parents.
How did you help somebody today?  
How did somebody help you today?
How does anyone help someone who doesn’t yet want the help?  I guess I need to just wait.
Where is the coolest place at the school?  Do you think I could still hang there if I dressed up like a kid?
If I called your teacher tonight – well I’m not saying I’m going to, this is a hypothetical question, but IF I DID…I’m not going to.  You know what, forget it.
What do you think you should do/learn more of at school?  Do you think that you’re the best judge of that?  I mean, you’re just a kid.
Billy has 500 quarters.  He wants to buy a toy for $3.00.  How much change does he have left over?  I’m just curious.
What’s the highest point in your classroom?
Was school “fine” or “good” today?  Why?

25 MORE Ways to ask your kids “So How Was School Today?” Without Asking Them “So How Was School Today?”

Just like the author of this article, my child always answers the question “How was school today?” with the answer “fine” or “good.”  The author has some great suggestions, but doesn’t go far enough.  Here’s:

25 MORE Ways to ask your kids “So How Was School Today?” Without Asking Them “So How Was School Today?”

  1. How was school today, REALLY?
  2. What’s the best thing that happened at school today?
  3. No REALLY:  what’s the best thing that happened at school today?
  4. Who’s the weirdest looking kid in your class besides Jason Porter (fill in name of weirdest looking kid)?
  5. Tell me one thing you learned today, but use the voice of the teacher you learned it from.
  6. Tell me something that made you laugh today.  Is it any funnier that this joke:  “What do you call a fish with no eye? Fssssh?”  I’m still the funniest.
  7. When were you bored today?  I know, RIGHT?
  8. If you could choose, who would you like to sit by in class? (Wait for answer) WRONG.  What about Superman?  Anna from “Frozen?”  I didn’t say it had to be a kid.  Tricked you!
  9. What do you think about…HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
  10. Where do you play the most at recess?  Oh yeah, totally.  That’s the best place.
  11. Tell me something good that happened today.
  12. Tell me something better that happened today.
  13. Tell me something…HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
  14. Who in your class could you have been nicer to?  Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself.
  15. If you got to be teacher tomorrow, what made-up word would you teach everyone?
  16. Is there anyone in your class who needs a time-out?  How come?  Mm-hmm.  Wow.  That’s crazy, I’m calling their parents.
  17. How did you help somebody today?  
  18. How did somebody help you today?
  19. How does anyone help someone who doesn’t yet want the help?  I guess I need to just wait.
  20. Where is the coolest place at the school?  Do you think I could still hang there if I dressed up like a kid?
  21. If I called your teacher tonight – well I’m not saying I’m going to, this is a hypothetical question, but IF I DID…I’m not going to.  You know what, forget it.
  22. What do you think you should do/learn more of at school?  Do you think that you’re the best judge of that?  I mean, you’re just a kid.
  23. Billy has 500 quarters.  He wants to buy a toy for $3.00.  How much change does he have left over?  I’m just curious.
  24. What’s the highest point in your classroom?
  25. Was school “fine” or “good” today?  Why?
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Lawn Mowin’ ‘Merican

I mowed my first lawn in 20 years today and it came back like I’d never stopped.  

The fact that it’s been that long firmly puts me outside of the ‘Merican mainstream like the city-slicker I am.  I figure I last mowed a lawn sometime in college, maybe 1994.  Wow.  

I ain’t gonna lie:  it felt good to make those straight orderly lines out of the chaos, knock down a bunch of weird mushrooms, even knock up some dirt where the ground is uneven.  I pwned that lawn.

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spotastic:

I first saw this Abbot & Costello sketch when I was in middle school. It blew my mind. It was my first lesson in bullshitting and justification.

For some reason I woke up this morning thinking about it.

Damn I love it. So Good.

NEW MATH

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This dog keeps trying to hump my daughter, which she thinks is hilarious.
Guys, I’m not ready for “The Talk.”

This dog keeps trying to hump my daughter, which she thinks is hilarious.

Guys, I’m not ready for “The Talk.”

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improvisingfatherhood:

thedaddycomplex:

Just a reminder.
And in addition to joining us tonight, you can all marvel at my sweet knock-off Photoshop skills.
thedaddycomplex (aka davidvienna)
improvisingfatherhood (aka bestnatesmithever)
how2beadad (aka… um… how2beadad)
manvchild (aka dougmoe)


This is going to be fun and weird.

Tonight!  The magic of the internet/improv/dads piped into your home. Sit around in your underwear if you want, though I worry about you sometimes. Get out and make some friends, just not tonight

improvisingfatherhood:

thedaddycomplex:

Just a reminder.

And in addition to joining us tonight, you can all marvel at my sweet knock-off Photoshop skills.

This is going to be fun and weird.

Tonight! The magic of the internet/improv/dads piped into your home. Sit around in your underwear if you want, though I worry about you sometimes. Get out and make some friends, just not tonight

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I’m not a napkin.
- Another thing I never thought I’d say to my daughter.
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michaelhartney:

ucbcomedy:

Feeling guilty about not calling your dad lately? Just watch this video from UCBs Characters Welcome. It’s essentially what your phone call would be anyways. 

The first episode of Characters Welcome is out! I sadly wasn’t able to make it to set that day, but my dad was only too happy to fill in.

It’s weird that dads are so bad at the phone.

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"GIFT" SHOPS

Every time we go to a museum, my daughter wants something from the gift shop.  
This past weekend we were at the Dia: Beacon.  It’s not a Children’s Museum where they’ve dressed up a playground with some science facts and you hope it sticks.  There’s no Curious George exhibit, nor does Arthur teach you about bubbles.  And thankfully there’s no Franklin, though God only knows what he’d have to teach anyone.  No, this is a real museum museum.  There’s literally piece of art that is shards of glass in a pile.  (Side note:  when I cautioned my daughter that she was too close to a different, less dangerous piece, the museum staff said, “Oh, actually you can walk on that piece.”)
All the signs are there:  No Fun Toys Ahead.  And yet, my daughter is desperate to visit the gift shop.  Maybe they will have a rubber pile of glass toy!  A Richard Serra paperweight?  Or perhaps the disturbing video installation piece will have a commemorative pencil.   I don’t know what she expects.  I suspect she thinks of all museums as giant, boring lobbies to a toy store.
In any case, most museums happily fulfill her expectations.  The Met has cute mummy books and the MOMA has coloring books inspired by Rothko and so on.  And most of these “toys” are so gunked-up with learning, that you know they won’t be played with for very long.  And anyway, the mark-up is huge.  You parents know all this!  It’s a racket.  
My proposal:  fill gift shops with groceries or other shit I have to pick up anyway.  I just don’t want to blow my money on a cubist tchotchke when I need eggs.  Or toiletries.  Maybe we could exit through the Rite Aid?  Help us out, museums!

"GIFT" SHOPS

Every time we go to a museum, my daughter wants something from the gift shop.  

This past weekend we were at the Dia: Beacon.  It’s not a Children’s Museum where they’ve dressed up a playground with some science facts and you hope it sticks.  There’s no Curious George exhibit, nor does Arthur teach you about bubbles.  And thankfully there’s no Franklin, though God only knows what he’d have to teach anyone.  No, this is a real museum museum.  There’s literally piece of art that is shards of glass in a pile.  (Side note:  when I cautioned my daughter that she was too close to a different, less dangerous piece, the museum staff said, “Oh, actually you can walk on that piece.”)

All the signs are there:  No Fun Toys Ahead.  And yet, my daughter is desperate to visit the gift shop.  Maybe they will have a rubber pile of glass toy!  A Richard Serra paperweight?  Or perhaps the disturbing video installation piece will have a commemorative pencil.   I don’t know what she expects.  I suspect she thinks of all museums as giant, boring lobbies to a toy store.

In any case, most museums happily fulfill her expectations.  The Met has cute mummy books and the MOMA has coloring books inspired by Rothko and so on.  And most of these “toys” are so gunked-up with learning, that you know they won’t be played with for very long.  And anyway, the mark-up is huge.  You parents know all this!  It’s a racket.  

My proposal:  fill gift shops with groceries or other shit I have to pick up anyway.  I just don’t want to blow my money on a cubist tchotchke when I need eggs.  Or toiletries.  Maybe we could exit through the Rite Aid?  Help us out, museums!

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dougmoe:

BETWEEN THE SCENES:  STAR WARS

Yay!  So psyched this is out.  The incredible folks of ucbcomedy made this series for nerdist and I’m amazed at how great it looks.  

If you ever wondered what it feels like to work for Darth Vader, here’s your chance to find out!

My blog, my rules!  Sure, I could try to connect this video I’m in with dad issues or parenting, but why bother!  It’s an awesome Star Wars video.  Enjoy!

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HIT PLAY

Give a listen to this super-interesting episode of On Being.  On Being is probably the most NPR of the podcasts I listen to, complete with the near-whispering host and the precious energy of LEARNING, but I still dig it.  I recommend cradling a cup of chamomile and stroking a cat while you listen for full effect.

In this episode, they talk about the idea of “play” and how important it is.  Yes folks, it’s time to get serious about play.

Playing may be one of the few things that parents of young children are way better at than other grown-ups, along with snack preparation.  

It’s really easy to forget about though.  I see it all the time in my improv classes:  people come in, very uptight, unable to cut loose and be a goof.  Don’t forget to laugh!  And if you’re coloring with your kid right now or making googie faces, be assured:  you are doing important work.

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In Defense of Dad Jokes


Dad Jokes are the worst! They’re corny, unsophisticated, unfunny, lame. Right? Isn’t that the worst thing someone can call one of your jokes?

But I got to thinking about it and I realized that if it’s YOUR dad or if YOU ARE the dad, Dad Jokes are awesome. I love when my dad says that “we’re on a roll” while holding a roll at dinner. It’s maddening! I love it! And I like nothing than getting a groan from my daughter, wrestling a begrudging laugh from her with a lame joke.

Dad Jokes have no agenda except to make you laugh. They’re not trying to make you look cool, with-it or hip. That ship has SAILED. They’re UNCOOL, UN-IRONIC and they’re VULNERABLE. Laugh if you like, or DON’T. Point is: dads know that the jokes kind of suck, and that if they get a laugh it’s partially because the person loves them. And if they don’t get a laugh, that’s okay too because the love remains.

Dad Jokes are the best!

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