Pregnant Lady on the Subway Etiquette from a Dude
I’m a dude. And I’m here to give pregnant ladies advice on how to get a seat on the subway.
Still reading? Cool.
I’ve seen articles (here and here) about how hard it is to get a seat on the subway when you’re pregnant, but I haven’t seen any practical guides to getting one. Being a pregnant lady on the subway is harsh. In an ideal world, everyone would offer a pregnant woman their seats. But girlfriend this ain’t an ideal world.
So you still want a seat, right? So I’m gonna tell you what works!
1. LOOK PREGNANT
This is Rule Number One. I can’t read your mind or see into your tummy. I don’t want to offend an overweight lady by offering her my seat mistakenly. That sounds dumb, but it’s true! I read an advice column that said you could fib a little in such a situation: ”I’ve been sitting all day, would you like my seat?” But practically, I think that sounds lame and way too obvious. Given an ambiguous situation and a nice comfy seat, I think most poeple play it safe.
Be pro-active! Look pregnant! Especially in winter, unzip the big coat and let your baby bulge bulge! Give it a rub. Be real pregnant-y.
2. BE SEAT HUNGRY
Nobody likes a martyr. I’m happy to give up my seat, but don’t make me work too hard for it. Be trying to find a seat! Search the eyes of your fellow straphangers longingly, pleadingly. Look around frantically! Ham it up. Try to catch someone’s eye.
Sometimes, I will spot a pregnant woman and I can’t get her attention to give her my seat. Now maybe this is because I am a creep and she wants nothing to do with me. But creeps have seats for you! So heads up!
Get close to a likely target.
Young dudes playing two-thumbed iPhone games, old jerks with giant books and hung over young hotties - these people will not give you a seat.
But people with kids - kind mothers and fathers - many of us will happily forfeit our seats if prompted. Profiling is horrible, wrong…in theory. In practice, it will get you a seat!
4. BE A BIG LOSER
If you’re one of those gorgeous, glowing pregnant ladies - ya know, the ones that just radiate the possibilities of life, the ones that are walking soap commercials - you’ve got extra work to do. You’ve gotta channel your inner exhausted down-on-their-luck chump. Nobody likes to give their seat to a winner. But the truly pathetic? Feels good to do a good turn for the truly pathetic!
5. BE A BELLY - er - BULLY
What’re you trying to make friends? You’re trying to get a seat! If the going gets tough, if no one is stepping up, time to Mama Bear this shit. Pick a particularly fit and well-rested layabout and politely shame them: ”Do you mind? I’m pregnant and would love to sit down.” Hoo-boy, that will work on almost anyone.
That’s my advice! Pregnant ladies/former pregnant ladies: what am I missing?